A friend recently posted the following and I thought I would share it. I’ve recently been in eastern Massachussetts during a Nor’easter (dropping 4″-8″ of snow) that scared everyone so much, they closed all the schools for 1-2 days.
Even Burger King closed. The driving conditions weren’t very bad, as there was more snowplowing equipment than cars on the roads. The next day, front-end loaders, pickup plows, bobcats and the like were hard at work clearing all the parking lots and business approachs.

There were a lot of cars frozen in place where street parked. A couple days later in Boston, residents were chipping their way out. My rental car, admittedly not up to my 4WD standards at home, had to get pushed out of metered street parking twice and I helped others get out. Kind of like City of Fairbanks streets after a snow and a trial warm spell simulating breakup.

So here goes.

60 above zero:
Arizonians turn on the heat.
People in Alaska plant gardens.

50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Fairbanks sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won’t start.
People in Alaska drive with the windows down.

32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Anchorage gets thicker.

20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Alaska throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Alaska have the last cookout before it gets cold.

Zero:
People in Miami all die.
People in Alaska close the windows.

10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Alaska get out their winter coats.

25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Alaska are selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Alaska let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Alaskan drivers get upset because they can’t start the Mini-Van.

460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Alaska start saying…”Cold ’nuff fer ya?”

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Alaska public schools will open 2 hours late.